In the journey of supporting a colleague who has recently had a premature baby, it is crucial to understand the facts and nuances surrounding premature births.
A premature baby is one born before 37 weeks of pregnancy, with varying degrees of prematurity—extremely premature (<28 weeks), very premature (>28 to <32 weeks), and moderate to late premature (>32 to <37 weeks). It's a more common occurrence than one might think, with approximately 53,000 premature births in the UK annually, and globally, over 1 in 10 pregnancies result in a preterm birth (stats from Tommys.org).
To provide meaningful support to a colleague during this challenging time, consider the following insights, gleaned from personal experience. As someone who gave birth to my daughter at 27 weeks, I can attest that it's one of the most emotionally trying experiences a parent can face.
Acknowledge the Experience: Recognise the profound emotional impact of having a premature baby. These infants often require immediate medical attention and are separated from their parents, resulting in immense stress and uncertainty. When my daughter was born, she faced significant breathing challenges. She was swiftly taken to the neonatal unit, and for the first two days of her life, I couldn't see her. My own birthing experience had been exceptionally challenging. I had lost a substantial amount of blood, and my health had deteriorated to the point where I was admitted to a high dependency unit for several days. During this time, my husband became the bridge between our daughter and me. He tirelessly shuttled between different hospital floors, providing me with hourly updates on our daughter's progress. For what felt like an eternity, we spent 2.5 months in the neonatal unit, that is 76 days of arriving as early as 6-7 am and often not leaving until 10-11 pm. Our journey was filled with emotional highs and lows. There were days when the doctors couldn't offer any certainty about our daughter's survival, and there were days when we received the uplifting news that she was doing remarkably well. Through it all, we learned the profound importance of taking each day as it came and cherishing every small victory.
Be Present, Even from Afar: Sometimes, the most significant support is as simple as reaching out with a heartfelt message. Colleagues who helped me the most were those who regularly checked in (whether I replied back or not), expressing their presence and concern without probing for details. Knowing they were there and rooting for us was comforting beyond words.
Connect with Others: In neonatal units, you'll find other parents going through similar situations. While conversation may be limited due to various reasons, the shared experience creates an unspoken understanding. Recommend support groups to your colleague, as connecting with others who've walked the same path can be invaluable especially once they have left the hospital.
Adjusting Back to Work: Returning to work after having a premature baby can be a daunting process. If you have a colleague in this situation, offer your support by keeping them informed about work matters, scheduling regular catch-up coffee chats to check in, and helping them feel connected to the team. Understand that this experience may have shifted their values, motivations, and desires, and take the time to get to know them again. It's important to keep in mind that despite their child being discharged from the neonatal unit, they will probably have a busy schedule filled with numerous hospital appointments for their child. Sometimes, these appointments may bring challenging news, so it's crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity and understanding.
In conclusion, supporting a colleague who has had a premature baby requires empathy, patience, and a willingness to provide comfort without imposing. By recognising the unique challenges these parents face and offering your unwavering support, you can make a significant difference in their journey toward healing and adjustment.
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